It's a gorgeous day outside right now. Everything is blooming and it's a perfect 70 degrees with sunshine.
I actually have no recollection of the weather 17 years ago, except reading in retrospect that it was too windy for helicopters to fly in Blacksburg.
April 16th, 2007 was a Monday. I had graduated from Virginia Tech the spring before in 2006. In 2007 I was working on VT's campus in their corporate research center for a small pharmaceutical company start-up. That weekend, I had been at a family reunion in South Carolina. My mom had spent the night with me in my one-bedroom apartment (rent was $560 a month!) Sunday night and was driving home to Maryland on Monday morning. I was in meetings for the first hour or two of my day, and only when aimlessly checking CNN around 10:30 did I realize anything was wrong.
It's weird what your brain remembers during trauma. I remember the morning pretty well. We were on campus, so we were put on lock down. My phone was blowing up because everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, that I ever met, was calling to see if I was okay. This was before Facebook had that feature where you could mark yourself safe. I do not remember getting anything done at work. I don't remember when I left work.
I remember winding up in a bar with some friends. Not sure I could name exactly who. We ate some food and just stared at the continuous news coverage being filmed 200ft away from us. I remember having no idea how to go about figuring out if the hundreds of people I knew were okay or accounted for. Blacksburg is a college town. There was a possibility that anyone I knew could have been on campus.
I wound up at a friend's house at an impromptu church small group. One of my friends had lost a friend and was inconsolable. I wound up at another friend's house at almost midnight to check on them because they had also lost someone.
I wish people understood how something like a mass shooting affects an entire community. I did not personally know anyone that was killed or injured, but it seemed like everyone I know did. It affected me profoundly even though I didn't personally lose a friend. Everyone I know was in deep shock and grief. The entire community was under the scrutiny of the national and international media, their presence a reminder of just how bad this was.
One of the main things I remember was the shock. How could something like this happen here? Honestly, I felt like the entire first year was our community processing that and trying to answer questions that have no answers. Only when we reached the first anniversary did it feel like we could start to focus on healing.
I wonder today if I would feel the same shock if a place I loved was the scene of another mass shooting. I don't say that because I don't love where I live. I say it because mass shootings are now so common.
I admit to having lost a lot of hope where gun violence is concerned. While the March for Our Lives in 2018 was a big step in the right direction, I really felt like we passed a point of no return with the 2012 shooting at Sandy Hook. If murdered 6 year olds don't change things, than I really don't know what will.
That's not say I'm not supporting things like mental health awareness, and working with and supporting high school and college students, and gun control. But I guess I can't emotionally engage as much as I used to, even if I try to walk the walk. I am taking a bleeding control and Narcan class this week though- we'll see how that goes.
I hope that there will be change. I hope that people with profound mental illness get the help they need. I hope we can pass some common sense gun reforms. I hope gen Z, that has been through countless lockdown drills their entire lives, kicks ass and takes names when they get political power. I hope that we don't lose hope, and I include myself in that.
Every year I'm reminded that there are 32 Hokies I never got to meet. 32 people that aren't enjoying this beautiful weather we're having right now. So go enjoy the spring, hug your loved ones, and if you can, do an act of service for someone today. Our VT motto is Ut Prosim- That I May Serve. And today, we are all Hokies.
