Vacation Part 1: Gabs and Salajwe

When Mom and Carol came, we stayed in Gabs the first 3 days so they could rest and figure out what time zone we were in. We went to several malls, attempted to see the diamond polishing plant but failed, went to the museum near main mall, visited my counterpart in the hospital, and went to church with my PCV friend Barbara and her husband Jim. We also just rested a lot and ate good food. And took hardly any pictures, except for the monkeys at our hotel.

Then we went to my village for a few days, and I gave them the tour. Carol is a really good photographer, so a lot of these are hers.  These are all of my school.

The sign about HIV/AIDS, greeting you as you enter the grounds.

I think I photobombed some teachers in the staff lounge :)

The grounds.

School goats.

Me and Pauline, one of the art teachers :)

Me in the staff room.

A class being taught in the classroom with no walls.  It's like an amphitheater with a chalkboard. 

Also note the HIV sign on the left.

Some of the cooks in the outdoor kitchen preparing lunch.

Carol in a typical classroom.

Ending term 2 with a talent show

At the end of term 2, I organized a talent show for the school. Basically, after the kids finish their exams, they sit around doing nothing for a few days while the teachers grade. So I had my quasi-functional PACT club sign up potential acts, and took over the big hall again like we did for the Youth Against AIDS assembly. I count this as lifeskills- they are developing self-esteem and acknowledging things they like and are good at ;)

We had dancers,

singers,

quite the audience,

a pretty funny skit

some of my PACT girls,

and -everyone- wanting their picture taken.

Literally 2 days later I moved across the village, so my house looked like this:

 These are the before pictures of the new place... a future post will have the settled in version.

I should have taken pictures of all of my things hanging out of the back of the pick-up during the actual move, but I was way too busy to think of such things (and Lord only knows where my camera actually WAS at that point). So you get one of my favorite pictures of KT.

KT- That’s my spot… but you are like three times my size… so I guess you can stand there.

Goat- Yep. –munch-munch-

Down in the dumps, and climbing back out

I think whenever people picture Peace Corps volunteers, they get images of women with long hair and/or men that haven't shaved in a while, playing with foreign kids in front of their hut in (insert country here).  You hear stories of building libraries and playgrounds, digging wells, starting programs from nothing that revolutionize (insert sector here) of said country.
That happens. Every day I get bouncy kids in my yard playing with some sports equipment donated from an international non profit, and when my mom was here, she took lots of those types of pictures. I live in a cement house instead of a hut, and my hair is in a bun, but close enough.
I haven't built anything. Not really planning on it. I haven't started any ground-breaking programs in my little rural village. Luckily we have water, so I don't need to mobilize well digging efforts.

What a lot of people don't realize is that often a PCV feels like they are getting absolutely nothing accomplished, especially in the first year of service. And then it becomes weird when friends and family back home say things like, we are so proud of you!! And internally I'm all like, for what? I haven't left my house in 2 days. The things I'm trying at school aren't working. I feel like I can't communicate with most of my village. I'm not exactly sure what I'm being congratulated on. Not self-destructing? Hanging on some days by a thread? Usually those things don't merit celebrations. This isn't to say I don't appreciate the support and love from my family and friends in the states- quite the opposite, you guys are my strength to keep going a lot of the time. But sometimes my brain goes weird places.

June sucked for me. A lot. While I felt like a made a little progress my first term of school (Jan-March), I feel like most of that was erased the second term, or at least stagnated. This was because of a lot of things. I had raised my expectations for the second term. My counterpart got sick and spent the whole term in the capital getting medical care. Sports took over the world and made it really hard to meet with kids outside of class. It got cold... which threw off my whole routine and everything that I had adjusted to in country. It made it much harder to get out of bed in the mornings, and all of the sudden my evenings, where I usually had my downtime in a nice temperature, became freezing and I just wanted to get in bed. I got homesick. I was dealing with the stress of moving across the village. And when I briefly pondered the idea of ETing (early termination of my service), I realized that I wouldn't be any happier back in the States, because I'd be really mad at myself for quitting. So then I kind of sank into a depression for a few weeks because I could see no good way out.

During this point, I didn't post much because I didn't know what to say, or how to say it without freaking out people back home. I did reach out to friends and family back home and friends here in Bots. And I decided that if I still felt this crappy a month later, after a family vacation and a GLOW camp, that I'd go to PC medical and talk to someone.

I think my lowest point was actually on my birthday. This was because I was super homesick, I stupidly decided to spent the day alone (dumb. very very dumb.), I had kids climbing my fence and bugging me, and I had no water, electricity, or internet. But I was able to talk to my mom, and that helped a lot. I visited friends a few days later for the 4th of July. And then Mom and our friend Carol came and we had an amazing vacation. I was a little worried that I'd be even sadder when they left, but luckily I had a GLOW camp to run 2 days later, and that turned out to be the thing that pulled me out of my depression the most. I finally felt like I was doing something really special, making a difference with kids, and having a lot of fun to boot.

I feel like myself again now. I'm excited for school starting up again, and I'm trying to take more initiative to interact with kids at school- teaching some classes, clubs if they happen, and just -being- on the school grounds more after hours to hang out with students. I tried all of the formal structures before, and now I'm adding my own informal ideas, because I can't always get formal stuff to work on a regular basis. I'm trying to plan a big camp for my school at the end of term, since I've realized that's something I love doing.

Basically, I'm a little more aware of my mental health now. I'll call people to talk if I need to, or ask friends to pray for me. I'll take a mental health weekend in Gabs if I need civilization and good food, even if I spend a small amount of my own American money. I'm planning future trips and trying to remember that I haven't failed at life if something I try doesn't work.

It also helps that I know I've made it 11 months, and that I have 15 months to go instead of say, 22. I'm enjoying my time here, but I also don't want time to stop. I am a little happier with each month that passes, knowing I've made it another month, and I'm another month closer to being home. But I am also trying to live in the moment as well. I don't want to wish away my time here, because I chose to come, and I am enjoying what I'm doing and the experience overall.

I don't know how to end this, except to say I feel like I'm in a good place, mental health wise, and in my service. May was rough, June sucked in a lot of ways, but things got way better in July and August.

I still exist...

Hey blog world and friends!
I still exist. I realize its been over a month since I've posted, and I apologize. I don't like to disappear with no warning.
There's several reasons for the disappearance. One, June kind of sucked for me. A lot. I'll go into that more in another post, but I was just down in the dumps for pretty much the whole month. And I didn't really want to be posting angst-y whiny posts then, so I just kind of went silent. (Silent on the blog. I talked with good friends in both Bots and America and tried to take care of my mental health.)
Then my mom and friend Carol came, and we gallivanted all over Botswana- Gabs, my village, Maun, and Kasane. We also went to Victoria Falls in both Zambia and Zimbabwe, and then spent a week in Capetown.  THEN... I collapsed and was homesick for about 24 hours. Then six other PCVs and I ran a GLOW camp for 32 kids in our region! And then I really collapsed in a pile for a day or two. And then this week school has started again, so there's been lots of planning meetings and me trying to stick things on the ever mystical school schedule.
I'll post lots more about my travels and GLOW camp as well. This is a teaser, I promise the next post will be much sooner than a month and a half from now!

The real Africa

I’m spending my last night in my 20s reading a good mystery by candlelight. It’s not the bash most people probably plan for celebrating their last night being 29, but I’m okay with it. I’m probably going to spend tomorrow cleaning and doing laundry, because my house is still currently only half put together after the move (see below). I’m okay with that too (cleaning on my birthday, not my house in shambles), because I get to really celebrate my birthday later in the week. I’m seeing friends on Wednesday and Thursday, and on my Friday, my mom and Carol come!!! And I am super excited for that. And I want my house ready for that, so laundry is an okay thing for tomorrow.

I managed to move across the village last Friday (as in 2 days ago). For those that I hadn't told, a bar opened near my house, and so I asked Peace Corps if I could move. And they said yes, and 2 months later, viola. For the record, I didn’t have any security incidents related to the bar… but I didn’t really want to wait around to see if it would be an issue. PC policy is that volunteers aren’t allowed to live near bars/shabeens/depots, so I acted on that. And, I didn’t feel super safe in the other house simply because the doors were flimsy. And the locks sucked. Rose broke into my living room once when the lock on the door broke, and I had to get someone else to break in for me once a few weeks ago for the same reason. Annnnnnd it was pretty easy to do. So, move I did.

Of course, dealing with the ministry of education and Peace Corps took time. PC asked me to look for a house, since I’m already in the village. I gladly took them up on the offer, because it gave me more say in where I would live. A teacher at my school recommended my new place, and then I got the paperwork turtle moving.  PC and MOE looked at it, negotiated rent, told them to fix a few minor things, and signed papers.  I kept pushing to be able to move by the end of June, so I wouldn’t have multiple leases, and so I could be moved before my family came and stuff. Low and behold, it actually happened!

I was stressed out the day of the move, simply because I didn’t know how it was going to go. There’s always the risk, being the lekoa in the community, that I’d get surrounded by people wanting to touch and have my things. So I recruited Aileen and her friend Parker who is visiting, and they helped me move and guard my stuff. My old landlord said he would help me move, but then passed it off to a guy I didn’t know, who looked at my furniture and went and recruited a 2^nd random dude to help. 4 pick-up loads puttering 5 minutes across the village later, and I was moved. We only had to push the truck through the deep sand twice.  The actual moving took less than 2 hours. And that was simply some furniture maneuvering logistics. I did some cleaning on Friday, hooked up my stove and gas tank, hung some curtains, and collapsed in exhaustion. Yesterday I put my living room together; tomorrow I’ll tackle my bedroom.  But it’s so nice to have functional doors and locks, I can’t even tell you. And a gate for my porch, so kids can play in my yard and not swarm my porch/house.

Today, I attempted to buy electricity, locks, sponges, bleach and airtime in Letlhakeng. I was able to get the airtime and locks. For some reason, no stores carried bleach or sponges, which I find odd.  And whatever network is necessary to buy electricity was down, so I couldn’t do that either. Hence the current reading by candlelight. When I made it back to my village, I discovered I could buy electricity here. But the network was still down. At least I can try again tomorrow without trucking out to L again!

While I was in L, stalking the small general dealer/grocery store to see if I could buy electricity, I ran into a guy that knew Aileen’s friend Parker. Small world much? It was a little weird for a white guy to already know my name. And let’s be honest, I now stare at the white tourists just as much as the Batswana. But we talked for a few minutes and discovered we were both on our way to lunch, so he and his wife gave me a ride and we had lunch together at a little Botswana restaurant. They were thrilled to get to try real Botswana food, and I could at least explain what most of the choices were.  At the end they even paid for my meal, so all in all it was great! It was kind of funny to be with people that were like, wow, we’re in the real Africa!! This isn’t like Gabs! And I do understand where they are coming from, because if all you’ve known is the capital of a country, any country really, going into the rest of it, especially rural areas, will be quite different.  But itwas weird to hang out with them because all of my friends in Botswana are either Batswana, or pcvs, and the excitement of ‘we’re in Africa!’ has either worn off or was never there to begin with. This couple also went against advice and tried to take a small 4-door sedan on the dirt road past my village up to Khutse game reserve, and literally had to dig their car out of the sand a few times. Real Africa? Check.

So I’m hanging out in my new house, looking forward to next weekend, thankful for locking doors, good friends, and glad to be in ‘the real Africa’ J

So... what exactly IS lifeskills???

I feel like my cohort and I were asking ourselves and everyone around us this question all during our pre-service training. It was only at our in-service training that we got the formal answer of, training teachers on how to use some specific guidance and counseling curriculum- both in guidance and counseling classes and infusing the topics into other subjects. This was a bit weird to start with since it was so specific- most people come into Peace Corps thinking it’s all about figuring out what your community wants to do, not being an extension of a government ministry/outside agency. It was also weird because it took us so long to figure it out.

In reality though, lifeskills volunteers do a lot more than curriculum workshops. So here is my description of my job in a nutshell, mostly for future volunteers, but also for my friends and family back home.

What the assignment of ‘lifeskills liaison volunteer’ basically means is that you will be based at a school, and assigned a counterpart (cp) from that school, most likely someone involved in the guidance and counseling committee/department, often the senior guidance and counseling teacher. This is often a little bit of a crapshoot whether the person a) knows what you are here for, aka you are not another teacher, b) cares about lifeskills and guidance and counseling, and C) has time to work with you. You are by no means limited to working with this one person!! My cp is great and I’ve done a lot with her. Other people have found other teachers and people in the community to work with if their assigned cp didn't work out too well. Actually, I recommend working with multiple people anyway, because then if someone gets sick/ moves/ is busy, you aren't stuck. (Problem I’ve had this term because my cp has been out sick.)

The "liaison" part is sort of weird... at first I thought it was between the school and the community, but I think it’s meant to be between the school and ministry of education(MOE)/EDC. (EDC is an organization that with the US CDC developed the afore mentioned life skills curriculum). Most of us try to avoid everything having to do with MOE other than this curriculum, which is good curriculum.

In summary, being assigned a specific thing to do is weird, and most of us try it if we can, and ignore it if it doesn't work.

So what do we actually do? That really ranges from volunteer to volunteer. I've been at my site for a little over 7 months. I am currently trying to get/keep some clubs going- PACT (peer approach to counseling teens, aka lifeskills using peer education) club at my school and the primary school in my village (I'm at the equivalent of a middle school), and an English club. This is one of the most frustrating things I've ever done, because the schedule seems to change every 5 seconds and clubs are often cancelled or moved. But I'm learning to show up, run a club if I can, and not stress if I can't. 2/3 of my clubs I have counterparts for, and one I'm running on my own. PC -really- wants us to have counterparts, for sustainability and capacity building and honestly, things just work better when you work with locals who know how everything works. It's often tricky to find people willing to work with you, especially in the beginning. We all try to work with people, and from time to time we try doing things on our own as well. Back to things I've done: I've presented/facilitated three workshops for teachers and one all school assembly. I've also had a workshop cancelled on me twice- back to the crazy scheduling thing. I've talked to students in guidance and counseling classes, having them write questions anonymously and I'll answer them to the whole class later. I’m probably going to actually teach some guidance and counseling classes next term. I helped coach volleyball and facilitated getting a few kids at my school interviewed for a website project. I get a crowd of kids on my porch often, wanting to color/hula hoop/ play soccer. I may try to make this into an informal club.  

In the future at school I'd love to regularly have clubs, possibly tutor math/science, do more workshops/assemblies, and maybe a typing class- for students and/or teachers. Lifeskills is really broad- it covers HIV/AIDS, sexuality and safe sex, teen pregnancy, communication, decision making, drugs and alcohol abuse, goals, study skills, relationships, anger management, assertiveness, self esteem, job training,  etc. Literally it is skills for life. So, while we try and do HIV activities and awareness periodically, almost anything you are interested in can fall under lifeskills. Lifeskills volunteers do PACT club, English clubs, tutoring, teaching (although PC doesn't want us to, but it happens), sports, arts and crafts, hanging out with students, holding workshops for teachers on life skills/typing/lots of other things, working with out of school youth, and promoting awareness of lifeskills issues with big events such as world AIDS day celebrations, alcohol awareness events, and safe male circumcision campaigns. Some people with counseling experience can also capacity build their guidance and counseling departments on how to counsel students, and sometimes counsel students themselves.

Working with out of school youth is something I'm trying to start. Same lifeskills topics, but with older teens/younger 20-somethings that aren't in school. Another volunteer and I are putting together workshops for interested youth in her village, and I’m trying to see if my village youth would be interested in them as well.

So lifeskills is my primary project- written on my Peace Corps invitation and everything. PCVs also have secondary projects, although at times they can be bigger and more time consuming that your primary project. With secondary projects, the sky's the limit. You can plant gardens, work at the clinic, volunteer at NGOs/anything you can find at your village, build pit latrines, build libraries, build playgrounds, etc. You just need to make sure it’s something your community wants. I know of volunteers doing all of the above and more. I don’t have any big secondary projects right now, unless you count trying to start an English club at my school and working on permission to read to kids at the primary school. Or my volleyball coaching.

I sort of approach my service as lifeskills themed. Almost everything I’m interested in doing in my village, and that my village seems to want (besides hand-outs), can have a lifeskills aspect.

So, I try and tie in lifeskills to whatever I'm doing, but I do what I want/what my community wants.

Goals 1-3 (and 4)

Peace Corps Officially has 3 goals.

1. Helping the people of interested countries in meeting their need for trained men and women.
2. Helping promote a better understanding of Americans on the part of the peoples served.
3. Helping promote a better understanding of other peoples on the part of Americans.

The one that everyone thinks about when they hear 'Peace Corps Volunteer' is goal one. This is the development work- clubs, projects, etc. So far in this category I officially have a few teacher workshops, and some quasi-functional clubs. Unofficially I have kids playing in my yard and lots of random conversations with kids, teachers, and the occasional community member. This often falls under goal 2 as well.

For goal 2, I've explained everything from food, dating customs (please at least ask me my name before you propose. Seriously. Arg.), education, sports, weather (our school bell sounds like a tornado siren and made me jump the first month or so I was here), family, college, transportation, pets, politics, healthcare, you name it.

Part of the reason I'm keeping up this blog is goal 3. I also hope to talk to a lot of people and groups when I come back to the USA. For the rest of my life, I'll probably be talking about Peace Corps and my time in Botswana. That's why when you go back home, you are a returned Peace Corps Volunteer (RPCV), not a former PCV. Once you join, you'll always be a PCV in one way or another :)

Unofficially, there's also what volunteers like to call goal 4. That's the things we hope to accomplish on a personal level during our service. While you shouldn't join PC only for personal development, it's good to acknowledge that PC service will change you as a person. As our director said once, the volunteers that do the best tend to have joined for a mix of personal reasons and to give back to others (paraphrasing, don't quote that).

So I thought I'd share some of my goal 4. Since my goal 1 is inching along and sometimes feels like its regressing, I've decided to focus more on goals 2-4 lately. This also comes from some soul searching last week when I realized I need to take charge of my own happiness more. I need to come up with my own ways to feel productive and give good effort to my projects and life, and not rely so much on outcomes right now.

Some of my 4th goals:
- Read 200 books during my service, 100 of which are classics. I'm almost at 60 right now, and around 15 of them have been classics.
- I want to learn to cook more things, especially vegetarian dishes. So far I've learned to cook a few more things- pancakes from scratch, morogo (the way they cook greens here), lentils a variety of ways, homemade tortillas.
- Writing. Keeping up this blog, some reminiscences, some creative writing ideas, some journaling. If I'm brave enough I might post some of that here. So far I've got the blog, a journal, and a few other things.
- Keep in touch with people at home. Facebook/E-mail/Letters for now.  If you write me I promise to write you back!  Safe to say my facebook addiction has survived Africa.
- Learn to play guitar. I bought one here and haven't touched it yet.
- Trivia- I'm trying to memorize the periodic table and all of the countries and world capitals. Maybe I'll be good on a trivia team for once when I get home! Yes I know I'm a geek.
- Get in shape. I brought some exercise bands with me and also haven't touched them.
- I'd like to learn some of the constellations. Once again, I have a small star chart I haven't touched.
- Finding different ways to be creative. Sometimes I've colored, or sketched, or watercolored. I've made friendship bracelets to give to kids, and I'm planning on making some collages for my walls. And I want to keep track of my digital pictures and caption them as I go along, so when I get home I'm not overwhelmed.

So these are some of the things I try to do in my current large amounts of free time. 4th goal for the win!   I also watch TV/movies sometimes and play too many computer games, but those aren't really goals :P
Anyone else have ideas of things for me to do?