Maybe

Maybe it’s okay that I’m not one of those volunteers that completely fell in love with the neighborhood children.

Maybe it’s okay that some days I preferred goats over children. Maybe it’s okay that happened most days.

Maybe it’s okay that I tried to do as much as my sanity allowed with them, like letting them in my yard frequently to play, and sometimes playing with them. Maybe the fact that I didn’t let them inside my house isn’t the end of the world.

Maybe it’s okay that even though I didn’t learn all of their names, I learned some.

Maybe it’s okay that I never gave them candy, but I did give them time. And water. And tin cans.

Maybe it’s okay that I didn’t let them in my yard 24/7. Maybe it’s okay that I hid from them occasionally, rather than yelling at them if I wasn’t up to kids that day.

Maybe it’s okay that I yelled at them a more than few times. Maybe it was the first time someone had given them boundaries like, ‘you can only come at this time’ or ‘don’t throw rocks at my house’. 

Maybe it was good for me that even after I yelled at them, they still came back to play.

Maybe it’s okay that most of them won’t remember me very well because they are too young. Maybe it’s okay that they’ll probably confuse me with other volunteers that have lived and will live in this village.

Maybe it’s okay that I didn’t satisfy their need for attention, because it might not actually be satisfiable. Maybe it’s okay that I made a dent.

Maybe they didn’t learn a lot of English at my house, but maybe they learned some. Maybe they learned even more than the funny looking foreign lady liked them.

Maybe it’s okay that I have conflicting emotions over these kids; I love them and they frustrate me and wear me out. Maybe that’s how parents feel a lot.

Maybe it’s okay that I’m not going to miss the stress of small fists banging on my door. Maybe it’s okay that I will miss those smiles, and shouts of ‘Lesego? Lesego! LESEGO!’

Maybe time is more important than new words, skills, or tokens.

Maybe I did enough for them even if it doesn’t feel like it.  

Maybe.