Why did I join peace corps?
This question has been bouncing around my brain lately,
and it came to a head today amidst a conversation online between some of my
fellow PCVs. Apparently some prospective
PCVs have found some of my friends blogs and have been asking about their
experiences in Botswana, and asking whether we recommend they accept their Bots
placement. Yeesh, no pressure or
anything.
If you ask all 32 of my group why we joined Peace Corps,
you’d probably get 32 different answers.
Sure there would be some common threads along the lines of, I want to
help people, I want to travel, I’ve wanted to for x number of years. But the decision to take that leap is
different for each person that serves.
I had been thinking about being a Peace Corps Volunteer
since at least undergrad if not before.
I don’t remember when I first heard of it. For a while it was sort of a hazy future
dream that I didn’t think I could actually do, and by that I mean I didn’t
think I had the guts to go and survive overseas by myself for 2 years. True I’m not by myself in that there are 130+
volunteers in country with me, but I do live by myself in a village, 30 minutes
from the nearest American.
Then when I decided to make a bit of a career switch into
public health from chemistry, it seemed a good way to get field
experience. And going into PC with a
masters seemed to make the idea of being plunked down in the middle of nowhere
and being expected to do development projects a little less scary. I also did
the masters international program at Emory to learn more about PC, but mostly
to talk to returned volunteers about their experiences. I didn’t want the glossy brochures, I wanted
real stories. I wanted to know the good,
the bad, and the gross. I needed to
process some possible scenarios and see if it would be worth it for me, and if
I could handle it.
Ultimately I decided to apply and planned on going,
without really dwelling on it too much.
That probably sounds really strange, but once I decided it was what I
wanted to do, and that I was doing it… I didn’t want to think about it much because
I was afraid I would talk myself out of it. It was easy to distract myself during the
application process because I was in grad school. And then I got my placement and mostly
convinced myself that it was what I wanted*, and boom- I left for Botswana.
One of the consequences of not thinking about my 2 years
of service much before I left was that I thought I had no expectations. And it was emphasized to me to not have
expectations. Well, I had expectations
that I didn’t realize until I got here.
Some were fulfilled: I expected to work with teens, work in HIV, live in
a remote village, read a lot of books, have to be creative, etc. Some weren’t fulfilled and it turned out
fine: I thought I wouldn’t have
electricity or running water and I have both, I thought I would be able to do
more in the beginning and I am learning patience, etc. Some weren’t fulfilled and it’s made parts of
my service so far harder than I thought: I thought it would be easy to make
friends- its not so much. I have made some, but its taking a lot longer than I
thought. I thought Peace Corps would be
more understood and welcomed in the country.
It’s not that people don’t want us here, but most people don’t know what
we are here for, ask us for money a lot, and seem confused by our presence,
especially at first. I thought I would
be using my MPH more and doing more health related things- it’s not that I’m no
using my education at all, but I’m not planning on working in a
school/education after Peace Corps, so it’s not as applicable to my
future. I thought PC knew what they were
doing a lot more than they do. PC
Washington promotes the masters international program like they place you
special if you have a masters, and that’s completely not true, at least in this
country. PC Botswana is forced to work
with various government agencies that border on dysfunctional, and that affects
every volunteer in country. I’m not sure
which part of PC, or all of them, is to blame for the fact that most of our
pre-service training was awful. Sometimes being a PCV feels like being in a
weird social experiment, on top of integrating into your village and doing
development work.
So there are all of the expectations I didn’t know I
had. But I’m also learning that
expectations aren’t two dimensional in Peace Corps. I’ll plan a PACT club and hope 8 kids show
up, and I get 6. Should I be
disappointed? My expectation wasn’t
met. Then the next week those same kids
lead 3 hours of Youth Against AIDS month rally for the entire school- singing,
dancing, giving speeches, writing poetry.
Expectations blown out of the water.
I had expectations that I’d make friends, because, well,
I’ve made friends everywhere else I’ve gone in my life right? Why not Botswana? So far I’ve made about 4. And I consider that a huge accomplishment… Considering that not 2 months ago I felt like
I had zero. So in a way, that’s an
expectation exceeded for now.
If you asked me why I wanted to join Peace Corps 8 months
ago, about a month before I left, this is probably what I would have said. I want to: help people. Travel. Get field
experience. Prove to myself that I can do it. See if I want to live abroad in
the future. See how things work on the ground in public health before I get
jobs higher up the ladder. Am I doing
all of that? I think so. I’m also learning that at least half of the PC
experience is the relationships you build with the people you live and work
with. I knew that would be important,
but I didn’t know how important. Expectation altered. I’m learning that
behavior change is really hard. I’m learning how much I rely on the support of
my family and friends, here in PC and back in the states. I’m learning just how
bored I can get in my village. I’m learning how much I take water for granted
in the US.
Getting your expectations tossed back in your face isn’t
exactly pleasant, but I feel like the general trend is upwards. If I went home now I’d be seriously
frustrated and feel like hadn’t done anything, because most of what I’ve done
is lay the groundwork for the rest of my service. I’ve been trying to get to know people, make
friends, and figure out how things work.
Learn a little Setswana. Survive
PC trainings and lock down. I have 19
months to go, and feel like I’ll be able to do a little more each month.
I probably won’t be able to fully say whether or not my
pc experience was ‘worth it’ in different ways until I’m back in the
States. Sure, some parts are frustrating
as hell. There’s a lot of hard work
involved… but that’s at least one expectation that I had in the right place- I
didn’t expect it to be easy. I hope it
will be worth it, although personal growth wise, I think it already has been. There are lots of reasons I came, and lots of
(sometimes different) reasons I plan on staying. Who knows if I would have been happier or
more frustrated in a different placement or a different country, but seeing
that I’ll never know that, there’s no use worrying about it.
I guess the biggest expectation I had was that my service
was going to be full of challenges and cool things I couldn’t really dream of
until I got here, and that has been true.
*I was really happy to get a placement in sub-saharan
Africa, my only disappointment was the placement sounded more like youth
development than health. And I was right
about that, because they are literally changing my job description to youth
development in HIV/AIDS. But I came to
grips with that here and now like my placement so its ok. That’s probably a whole other post for
another day.
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